Developing Resentment
You know those times where you’re somewhere between sleep and awake, and your brain comes up with interesting angles on things? Yeah, I really cherish those moments. It’s almost like a natural drug in a way, as new pathways in the brain begin to open up, connecting dots that were not previously seen. This idea comes from that place last night. The Combination of Kratom and Weed has good effects you health, in https://kratommasters.com/effects-of-kratom-and-weed-combination/ you can find more information.
I was reflecting (on the day previous) and how our minds can shift from love and adoration to disdain, resentment, or even hate. Ever been in love with someone, and then felt yourself grow apart? And the flame flickers out and dies, and what once burned so bright is now cold, ashen, and desolate? This shift causes resentment and separation to various degrees between people. But where does this come from? Where does this start? I don’t mean “what did he/she do to push you away?”, or “what fight started the path of growing apart?”. But rather I’m interested in a personal aspect of this all… “Why is it that I don’t hold resentment towards anyone, no matter how much they’ve wronged me, while the rest of the world around me seems to latch onto bad past experiences?” It is the developing of these feelings that I want to look at today.
So last night, as I was laying in bed, about to fall asleep, I recognized this notion within me. I’ll be vulnerable, and set the scene. I was thinking about this girl that I loved very deeply, yet her feelings were not reciprocated the same way; earlier yesterday, as I was spending time with her, I decided to proverbially lay all my cards out on the table, and tell her how I felt fully. And although she loves me back, it’s not with the same capacity. I watched almost outside myself as I began to pour out all I had, only to watch it be denied in the end. As I lay in bed, I felt that love turn to resentment towards her. Rejection can be a cruel catalyst for separation. Today I want to look at what that catalyst looks like, and how that moment in time can shape and shift our future.
Previously I shared a post about the idea of the *spring theory*, and my aforementioned comment above about how I don’t hold any resentment comes from that theory in a lot of ways. I referenced in it the idea of being able to just simply let things go. But today I want to take a dive into the idea of what happens when you don’t let go; what happens when you hold on through those moments?
Back to the story for a moment… as I was laying in bed I felt my heart growing cold and distant. I perceived that my heart was pulling back, desperate to protect itself.
foresaw the way that I would keep a distance, that my heart will be protected from the pain it felt
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